At a hostel in the ancient city of Taormina, Sicily, a pretty girl greeted me at the front desk. As she checked me in, a man standing behind her checked me out with a big smile in the way I’d come to learn Italian men do.

He was several years older than I, had dark thinning hair, and had the gaunt look of someone who was malnourished.

Even though I did not find him attractive, I was grateful for his gaze. …

Phil was open to giving non-monogamy a try. And after years of failed monogamous relationships, and one partner who almost dumped me just for bringing up the topic, I was thrilled. I was hopeful that with him, I would finally have the type of relationship I’d dreamed of.

But over time, that hope chipped away.

Phil and I were both digital nomads, so we spent our first year as a couple traveling through Spain and Southeast Asia. That meant we were by each other’s side almost 24/7 going from hostel to airbnb to hostel, finding various cafes to post up…

Josh was the first man I ever dated who was passionate about putting his mouth on my vagina. He was also the first boyfriend with whom I regularly orgasmed. And it wasn’t a coincidence.

For a while, oral sex was the only way I could get off with a man. So it was usually one of the courses on our menu of love-making.

But then Josh and I split, and I started to have sex with other men, hoping they would do the same. And many did without my prompting.

But there were others that didn’t get the memo, which…

I was going through some old Facebook photos the other day, and came across one of the two of us back in New York sitting at brunch. I think it was Steve’s birthday, we got super drunk that day.

So I sent an email to tell you I was thinking of you, old friend. I hoped that it might brighten up your day, make you smile, and maybe send something back.

But your response a week later made me feel like that email did not have the desired effect. …

I knew who Nico was well before I actually met him. For years, I loved his music.

So when I recognized him one day at the boulder gym in Berlin, as he was sitting on the bench packing up his stuff to leave just a few feet away from me, I knew I had to say something.

I spent a minute or two giving myself a pep talk and cross-referencing his face with Google images to make sure it was really him. Then I tip-toed over and told him, “I’m a big fan.” We had a pleasant back and forth…

I was at a festival outside of New York when my life changed forever.

At that festival, a place where teachers became hula-hoopers in giraffe onesies and bankers became shirtless dancers tripping on acid, I met a man.

Matt had a slim gentle build, clear blue eyes, and wore a baseball cap. At some point during our conversation on the banks of a lake, he mentioned he had come to the festival with two of his partners and had another one who was still back home in Brooklyn. At this, I was shocked.

Three girlfriends! My gut told me he…

I used to think looking good would get me the things I wanted most in life: more respect, a hot and successful husband, and ultimately, happiness.

To that end, I would spend a lot of time trying to look slimmer and make my hair fall just like that.

But at some point in my twenties, I stopped focusing on looking a certain way and started spending my time and energy on things that made me feel good instead.

In other words, as opposed to using beauty as a means towards happiness, I started just going straight for happiness. And ironically…

During sex, I like to take my time. In fact, if I want to have an orgasm, taking my time, sometimes 20 minutes to an hour, is necessary.

And this used to frustrate me.

When he came twice and I, once or not at all, I would feel like I was losing out. I’d wish I could get there faster too.

But after spending more time with my body, I now see my time to O as an advantage. In the end, more time to orgasm just means…

1. More touches everywhere

With me, he can’t just go straight for gold. I have to…